In Your Anger

What to do when you're not getting your way

by Dr. David T. Holt

Anger is one of those emotions that Christians are the least comfortable talking about. We either suppress our anger or allow it to come out in inappropriate ways. Yet there is another option. Author and Christian counselor Larry Crabb says that anger is due to blocked goals. For example, if we are running late and hit a traffic jam, we get angry—because our goal of getting somewhere by a certain time is being blocked.

In ministry, our goals can also get blocked. Often. We may have a goal of growing the church. Yet if a staff member doesn’t give us the support we feel we need as we pursue that goal, we erupt in anger. So, what do we do?

Consider the combination of Ephesians 4 and Psalms 4. Paul tells us, “In your anger, do not sin” (Ephesians 4:26). So we must first be honest about our anger; it doesn’t help to hide it or cover it with Christian clichés. In that passage, Paul is quoting from Psalms 4:4: “In your anger do not sin; when you are on your beds, search your hearts and be silent." So, another key to overcoming anger is to remove ourselves from the situation, find a quiet place (when you are on your beds) and allow God to reveal to us the cause of our anger.

"We either suppress our anger or allow it to come out in inappropriate ways." 

We can ask, What goal of mine is being blocked? In many, many cases, either the goal is selfish and ungodly—thus necessitating a change—or our strategy to meet the goal is ungodly. That’s why the next verse in Psalms 4 says, “Offer right sacrifices and trust in the Lord.” Are we trusting in God to see our goals met, or are we moving ahead with our own plans?

We will experience anger in ministry. Leaders will let us down; programs we feel strongly about will get blocked by others; even God will disappoint us. As we work to understand our anger but not sin, we can ask God to show us our heart. Then, deal with what He reveals to us, surrender ungodly goals and ask for the right strategies to meet godly goals.

David Holt pastored First EFC in Onalaska, Wis., for 17 years and is currently writing a book for pastors, all the while still learning to surrender ungodly goals. Check out his Web site and blog (www.pastordavidholt.com, www.pastordavidholt.blogspot.com).